Old Habits Die Hard, I Will Too

- The Seasons Of Grief: Chapter I - Poem VII -

I am someone who loves too much,

And someone who only cares to love,

As much as I am loved by you above

I watch and trace your shadow frame,

And my mind turns this into a twisted game,

Feeding my patterns like embers to flame,

And then it hits like the song you first played me,

I just don’t understand,

How can I shut this off?

In the dim bar, when you sang your song, I listened to it in my car,

And then it kicks in like muscle memory,

But I’m too young to know the difference,

Between veiled fear and sincerity

Eventually, I’ll break this dissonance for you,

Cause old habits die hard, and I will too

I moved through the world with a heart, broken,

My longings stayed swallowed, unspoken,

I can’t ever open up to anyone else, but you

The way I built a home in your hands,

And tried to be a better man,

But I can’t hold that stand,

I’m just getting used to this foreign land

And then it hits like the song you first played me,

I just can’t comprehend,

How can I shut this off?

In your black car, when I sang your song, you hummed in the dark bar,

And then it cuts like a fractured memory,

But I’m too young to know the difference,

Between fragile dreams and solidarity,

Eventually, I’ll end this nightmare for you,

Cause old habits die hard, and I will too

Nine months of all our love together,

I still miss the spark,

But you said a flame was lit from our tired, broken bark

I just want to burn my house down and start over for you,

And make it so that I’d never feel like I hurt your heart so true,

Summon a cleansing spell with my crystals from the shop,

Incentivize the powers that be to cremate my thought patterns with sincerity,

Even if I go with them,

And I hope they hear it,

Won’t let them rest in the crypt,

Of the black bar when you sing,

Your songs on top of the stage

I’ll crumble all my walls with over-rage,

And rebuild a strong mind who,

Doesn’t fall victim to,

The harmful ways of my forefathers,

And give you a world where you deserve more than all,

So that we can be together and never fall,

And it’s going to be hard as hell,

But I swear to you, I’ll banish them all,

And seal the hole with a truce so true,

Cause old habits die hard, and I will too